BANNED!! These words are BANNED!!

I hate labels that dont fit. What do I mean by this? Take for instance the term TS girl. Hello? They are not girls, they are grown women. Yes, I refer to them as women. I was sitting in the coffeeshop thinking of all the words I can not stand and have compiled a list of words that are hereby banned from my universe.

1. TS Girls are now known as TS Women. They, (at least the ones I know) are nothing like girls. Girls havent hit puberty yet. These ladies are fully grown!!

2. BBW is one of the most overused general blankets thrown over anyone who is not a size nothing. I hate this term, always have. I shall call them Kurvy Kutie Bombshells. Big Beautiful Woman my ass. That is like trying to glorify the word "bitch". No matter what type of spin you put on it, it still sounds horrible!! What the fuck, over?

3. ATF (all time favorite). A term used by those in the "hobby". What the living hell is this term all about? Really? Hello. Commitment. It causes more drama than a baby out of wedlock. If a provider (especially one of those silly ones who take the term GFE too damn far) thinks her client is seeing another provider (i mean, isnt that what they are supposed to fucking do?) then she will throw a hissy fit. "but I am your ATF!" she will cry. This is clearly a case of bitch please. Don't get it twisted. Chances are your client is married and sleeping with you. DO YOU TRULY EXPECT HIM TO BE FAITHFUL JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE HIS ATF? Silly chits. lol Do yourself the favor and skip the term all together. Keep things simple and drama free. It's not that hard....try it and see!

4. GFE (girlfriend experience) Oh lord Jaysus Tittie H. Christ, this term gets everyone who uses it into sooo much trouble! Hello people. This term is so open to interpretation, I dont know why people bother using it at all!! I see the term as another form of commitment. What happened to plain old no strings attached?? The word Girlfriend itself is a damned commitment! RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!. I dont want to be your girlfriend. That means you will call me at odd hours, pissing me off and thus causing drama. If you slap that label on me, that means you will assume certain liberties...and when I bring you back down to earth, you have the NERVE to get hurt and offended. Humpf. So, I am banning this word. Dont even think about it!! No! I am a provider, a sizzling sexy escape for one hour at a time. No pay, no play. Duh! GFE is an excuse for someone to attempt bare back sex. Let's not kid ourselves. Really. Cmon now. Urban Dictionary was created for a reason. Do your research.

5. Classy. What in the heck is classy? Oh wait, that's right. A chick who will let people walk all over her as she sits there quietly with a smile on her face. A "lady" made of porcelein and lace. Someone you can take to a dinner or a play or have draped over your arm at your next business meeting. Hello stupid asses of the hobby. Let's get a clue here. Any provider worth her blow jobs is going to make sure she is fed. If this means she has to put a lid on the blatant sexuality for a short while, she is going to do that. Just because she is SMART doesnt make her classy. It just means she is no dummy. If a client takes her out to dinner, do you really really think a provider worth her reverse cowgirl giddyup will walk out the door looking like a hooker? (unless that is the type of provider a client hangs out with. in that case, he gets what he asked for. duh). NO! she will be dressed to the nines in the latest LV fashions, complete with the black Louboutin heels. Duh. Just...smh. this word should have been number one on my list of banned words. Just because I have burgundy streaks in my hair and can rock purple eyeshadow.....does not mean I am not classy. Not responding to the haters who dare tell me I am not classy...now, that is real class. LOL. Get a clue and stop using this word!

6. DATY (dining at the Y)...just say eat me. Really. I will admit it took me a minute to visualize DATY...as in, the words. I had to figure out what the Y was. Once I got it, I became annoyed. lol. Just say you like to eat pussy!! I know I do!

7. YMMV (your mileage may vary) What the fuck am I...a car? A used Honda? Are you serious? This one is a no fracking brainer. Why use this term? Hello. Captain Obvious is upset at the fact someone stole his punch line. OF COURSE YOUR MILEAGE MAY VARY!! If a provider did everyone the same...she would be a robot. That is no fun. Everyone should get something different every time. If you dont, you are fucking a robot and you just got ripped off. Congrats on being stupid . Could be at least change the word mileage to experience? please? WTF? I know we providers are used (gladly) but...we are not used Hondas. This is just a dumb damned term.

8. Bartering. This term...when i hear it, I just tune the word out. I dont even hear it. My brain skips right over it, automatically. Hello. My body is for sale. SALE. Meaning I expect to make a monetary profit from it. lol. What the hell am i going to do with the Christian Louboutins you bought me in exchange for an hour of my time? Take them to my favorite resale shop and get paid! (if they are a gift, then I am keeping them. Duh!) My inbox sees at least one of these emails each week. "If I buy you a Coach bag and take you out to dinner, can I have four hours of sex with you?" No you dumbass. I dont even like Coach. My body is for SALE, not BARTER. Oh, and I can tell a real from a fake too. Don't even try it.

9. SPINNER. WTF? This is the dumbest damned marketing ploy used by skinny girls. Just say what you are...petite. Small. Skinny. There is no shame in it. There is no one (except one crazy in Los Angeles) who is going to put you in a suspended peach basket and spin you around and around while his dick is inside you. Just say what you are and embrace it. You are slim. Slender. Unless you really do go around fucking in circles. Then hey, you are a spinner and more power to you! Captain Obvious does ask one thing...How is it yu are providing a good fuck if you are dizzy from spinning? Hello.

10. Bisexual. I am not bisexual, I am just plain greedy! I love sex with men, women, TS women and other alternatives. (i draw the line at animals. there are some things even I, Mistress SexualAdventures wont do)
DOES IT REALLY MATTER WHO YOU GET IT FROM? As long as you are satisfied at the end, that is all that should matter, in my opinion. If you are a man and have to swallow another man's baby batter in order to get off, what shame is there?? Stop being such.....prudes. Sheesh. People wonder why I am moving to Europe in about ten years. Americans are so.....old fashioned! Hello.

This is my top ten list of banned words. Use them in my presence and I will make like a tree and leaf. Truly. Has living in NYC made me jaded? No, not in the least bit. Living in NYC has made it harder to hide my jadedness (I know that is not a word, shut up!). I mean, I ran over Jane Fonda outside Sephora in Herald Square. She was in my way. Had to go. lol.

Stay tuned for more random musings folks.

Oh my gosh. I need to behave!!

I just read over some of my erotica. Now, some are based on personal experiences, some are pure fantasy. (No, I am not saying which is which. lol. I am working on some more tonight!)

Wow. The ones that are actual true stories....WTF? It is no wonder I will forever be single.

I dont think I posted my fourth of july story. or maybe i have. I woke up from a wild night in Central Park the next morning. It was really wild, I can tell you that much. lol.

Should I behave more? What fun is that though? Eh. i don't like to behave. That is not saying I dont know how to behave, mind you. I can if i HAVE to. If given a choice though, I will not. It is just who I am! lol. I am a mover and shaker, I set the standards! Some people (women and for heaven's sake, some guys who thinks they know what is really going on with providers. lol) have tried to tell me to be this, be that, dont do this, dont do that, yadda yadda. Do I tell them what to do? Of course not. It's not my place, its not my life and really....I dont try to control anyone. People are going to do what they are going to do! lol.

I listen, weigh my options. List the pros and cons of such advice...but, I do what I was going to do anyways!! Now, if the advice I was given made sense and would benefit ME without me sacrificing my principles (aka, if i liked the advice. lol) then I used it. If I thought the person had NO CLUE as to what they were talking about (aka, trying to give me advice on a subject they didnt know about. I like to learn from experience or from those who have experienced what I am questioning) then of course, I am going to toss it to the curb.

Now, my thing is this. I dont give advice unless asked. Why do some feel the need to...I dont know, tell me what I can and cant do? Eh. See that.....hear that whooshing sound? That's whatever you told me flying over my head. lol.

I may seem like a hot mess...but trust me. I know what I am doing. Do you?

take care all!

Khym

Aw...do you miss me? LOL

Okay, okay. I promised I was not going to shoot myself in the foot and I shall stick to that promise. After all, I need to keep in mind the world does not revolve around ME 24/7....this is why I need a spaceship and colonize my very own solar system.

I have been...dipping into my past, for lack of a better way of saying what I want to say, for the past two weeks now, taking trips down memory lane.Talking with a very good friend of mine..who happens to be ex husband number 2.

Oh my!! What is this? Khym Danyels has actually been to the alter twice?? Who were the lucky men?

Well....I wouldn't exactly call them lucky, per se. I am not a morning person....and that is all I am saying. LOL.

Now, I find it really strange. Why is it the affair with ex husband number 2 has lasted longer than our marriage? Yes, you read that right. Our affair (I stole him from his second wife) has been going for TEN FRACKING YEARS!! Can you believe it? I couldn't and was SHOCKED and APPALLED, damn near HURT and OFFENDED when I read the card that came with the flowers. Yes this man sent me flowers and a card marking our ten years. (i am being sarcastic. I almost, almost teared up when I read the card. lol. who marks a ten year affair? lol) I didnt even realize it had been ten years. I sent him an E-card back, as he caught me completely off guard and I had no time to plan. lol.

WHO DOES THAT?? Only the crazies I happen to marry, I suppose. lol. I can not get over he has known me for ten years...and we have been through, between us, a total of 6 relationships and two marriages, and we still have the hots for each other. lol. We have cheated on whoever we were messing with at the time just to be together and DID WE CARE? FUCK NO!. lol.

He is my best guy friend, I won't lie. He has always been there for me, I have always been there for him. (More than just sex, get your mind out the gutters!) When the love of my life kicked me to the curb and left me pissed, he came to see me. (he took leave while stationed in Iraq!) Whenever my invinvible ego is slightly bruised, he is there to patch it up and make my head swollen again. (sigh. I do have bit of an ego problem..I have a huge one! lol)

See, here is the thing. I like having male friends...from all walks of life. I especially like older men because MOST of them arent as stupid as the ones my age. (hee hee). I like having male friends with benefits. I dont want to date anyone....just have someone to shoot ideas off (especially if they are in the business world. lol. hello? I love to network and learn things!), someone to hang out with, someone I actually enjoy talking to and most importantly someone NOT STUPID. lol. As long as both parties keep things kewl (friends with benefits) then there is no room for drama. The last time I tried that....sigh. He was delusional anyways. lol. As if I want to date ANYONE. I dont. I like my freedom. Now, this may seem mean, but its true...."can't make a ho into a housewife". In my case, this fits. I prefer being "the other woman" anyways. lol. less stress on me!

I hope to find someone a bit closer to me than the ex husband....hey!! I shall search for that! a friends with benefits type thing!!

I like being single....and I dont want to give that up anytime soon. lol. We shall see...stay tuned!!

I also like guy friends to help me figure out the males species....so confusing at times! I have questions like...why not just admit you are a dumbass and miss me? LOL. Why hide behind the bravado and the games? What is it like to have a penis? Do guys carry cumrags around? What is with the hands down the pants thing? (I am guilty of that. I tried it once and it was just....so comfortable...lol)

I NEED ANSWERS! lol

OMG, I am in lust. Is this wrong??

I have been working out with videos from Jackie Warner for about three months now.
Is it wrong that I freaking LOVE her???? I know she had a show on Bravo called Workout. I know she is gay.

I am trying to figure out why, i feel like crap on a day I don't use one of her workout videos. I love her body...and the short hair...i think she is...androgynous (and omg, i spelled that word right without spell check) and i think that is why I am so attracted to her. In her workout videos, she is no nonsense. No chippy music, and her words of encouragement sound false. I love that. It makes me give my all for a workout. The videos where the instructor is all happy and crap...annoy me to no end.

The pic above is one of my favorites of her.

Is it wrong for me to lust after a woman who looks like a boy? this isnt the first time i have done so. lol.

i love her and Jeanette Jenkins.

can i have them both at the same time? Their workouts are incredible...but I need another workout of sorts. lol.

its the heat here in NYC...affects brain patterns!

Some Schooling on Screening

I see this subject and debate a lot on many discussion boards tailored to the P4P community….screening.

Some ladies and gents are all for screening, some are against it. I see and understand both sides of this particular argument. Ladies need to feel a certain security when meeting with a potential client. She needs to know the man is not going to come into her bedroom and physically hurt her. Ladies have read or lived the stories of rape, cruelty and want to take measures to prevent such ugly circumstances. These ladies stand firm in their decision to ask for information….real name, a work phone number to verify identity and the gentleman must show a photo id when meeting the lady. I understand these measures as I have been the victim of circumstances that arose due to lack of proper screening. Thankfully, I literally fought my way out of that event, but I was scared for a while afterwards.

On the flip side, being a private person myself, I can understand the argument against screening. Many gentlemen do not want ladies to have access to private information, for fear the lady may use the information to her advantage. (Never a good thing. Look at Tiger Woods and others in the course of history.) People participate in the P4P arena under a cloak of secrecy. They do not want others to know what they are really spending their time and money on. One slip of the tongue and the wife finds out. The home and work life is disrupted and life just goes to hell.

Truly, I do understand both sides of the argument. Loudmouthed women in the mistress business have made it harder for providers to ask for even the most basic information, such as a gentleman’s name. Once again, I do understand the reluctance of the gentlemen. Some ladies may not be willing to bend and reach a compromise and are criticized by others for remaining steadfast in their decisions.

Let me point out something though, to the gentlemen, as I recently had to with a gentleman who wanted to see me but balked at my requests. (He really wanted to see me, so he was gracious enough to ask for an explanation)The harsh truth of the matter is we providers are at the mercy of the gentlemen who see us. Physically, in regards to money, in regards to trust…it is an unfair advantage. The P4P field is lopsided! We ladies do not know who the heck you are. You could be with the dirty L word. You could be a serial killer. You could appear to be charming on the outside and physically abusive when we stand before you naked. These are not imagined fears, as one can read the newspapers to see these horrific stories. These fears live inside of us and surface when we read your email or answer our phone to speak with you. We understand the risks involved with this P4P arena and still continue forward. Requests for basic information are just our way of leveling the playing field. We need to feel, at the very least, a small amount of trust and security when meeting with a gentleman.

Now, some providers ask for everything short of a man’s social security number and blood type. Some may ask for a real name, work phone number, place of work and the like. I am one of them. HOWEVER, once again on the flip side, I do understand the need for privacy! If a gentleman is not willing to divulge that information and has been in the P4P arena for more than a minute, then I fall back on my “second string”. He can use an assumed name and I just ask for provider references. Of course, the provider references must be impeccable. She must have a website, an email address and or phone number and must be a verified provider. I will ask when you met with her, how long have you known her and what information about will you jog her memory of you. This is why I am a member of verification sites such as DateCheck and Preferred411. I also have verified providers as friends and am currently working on meeting more ladies to expand my circle. (Only those I have met face to face are in my circle!) I am one who believes heavily in the “reference system”. I only ask for a real name or whatever when the man is a true newbie to the P4P arena and of course I explain all of this to him. I want him to understand why I ask for what I ask for…and above all, I want him to feel comfortable. The choice to see me is always left up to him. Think about it though…if you are a newbie and submit to my screening, you are allowed to use me as a reference! Being a reference does not mean I share all details of our encounter with another provider. I tell her the information she needs to know…if you are safe or not. If there are special considerations that she needs to know (things pertaining to the overall experience or your health) then I will let her know. I want your experience with her to be enjoyable! On a side note, when I am checking you out by calling your place of work, I have many stories I use. I have been a bill collector, a salesgirl checking up on an order for a client, the aunt who is trying to surprise a nephew…the stories are endless. I come up with some good ones at times. C’mon, am I really going to identify myself as who I really am? Khym Danyels? Please give me some credit.

My take on screening is this. I just need to know you aren’t going to try anything stupid when you and I meet. Personally I do not want to know your real name, where you work and what you do for a living. I don’t particularly care about your life story or how big your house is. Unless you are William Jefferson Clinton or another on my “to do” list, I am going not going to be curious about “who” you are, nor will I really care. Knowledge is a double edged sword. Used correctly it can help a person out. The abuse of knowledge leads to destruction. Quite frankly, the less I know about someone, the better I can cover my ass if things decide to hit the fan. I can honestly say…”I don’t know this person.” The less you know about me the better for you too! Why ruin the fantasy world we create with our real lives and problems? Heck, I have so many stories I sometimes forget what I told to whom. Any screening information I do gather is kept in my head. I never write things down, never keep a paper trail. Heck, phone numbers stored in my work phone are in a code only I know and understand. There are other measure I take to ensure my ass is covered, but I cant tell all my secrets, now can I?

But gentlemen, please don’t knock the ladies who ask for information that establishes your identity whether it be real or assumed. It truly is a safety measure and a way of leveling the playing field. Of course, a gentleman should cover his ass at all times as well. If you feel a lady is asking too much, simply move on to the next. If a lady doesn’t at least ask some questions, I would be a little wary. This is just my personal feeling.

Whenever I explain all of this to someone who is reluctant to share information, they are truly surprised and thankful. Hey, I am just keeping things in perspective, just being myself. Yes, illusion is the name of this game, but at the same time, one needs to take into consideration a few real life things.

Thank you all for reading to my ramblings. Have a great weekend and be safe.

(Damn Bill Clinton is sexy. I don’t have much time left. The man has heart problems….I need to hurry up and ride him. )

When the garters come off...

I have no clue why I am writing this except for the fact I need to post something really silly.


I was just thinking to myself…what DO people do when they think they are alone?

I for instance, dance and rock out loud to pop music. Not just Britney spears and Nsync….I take it to another level. The cheesier the song, the more I LOVE it. Case in point would be “Candy” by Mandy Moore. In fact, I love her whole first album. It just rocks out loud and puts me in a happy mood. I remember when she first came on the music scene! The sweet innocence of my teenage years...sigh. I was 15 or 16 at the time and had just started my first ever real job. I was working in the mall, earning my own money…I felt grown as all hell. That is my sinful indulgence…really corny pop songs. I love all kinds of music from Marilyn Manson to the Beethoven. I especially love…oh lord am I going to lose some cool points here, J-pop. Japanese pop music, especially when it is sung in Japanese. I don’t understand a word that is being said, save a few words here and there, but I love it. There is a series called Chobits and the theme song is called “Let me be with you”. Yes, I rock out loud to this song. I looked up the words online and sing along with it. Its just me and my cats in my apartment, rocking out loud. Of course, my cats just roll their eyes and hide under the bed or on top of the fridge when I am in my “I want to be happy dammit” mood. I can’t say I blame them….I cant carry a tune in a bucket.

See, I grew up during the time New Kids on the Block exploded on the scene. I was in the third grade and was caught up in the frenzy of “boy bands”. The Backstreet boys and Nsync are NOTHING compared to the insanity of NKOTB. We are a special breed of fans and die hard. I never liked the blue eyed, blonde baby of these groups…I always went for the dark brooding ones. Jordan Knight? I am STILL in love with him to this day. Sigh.

I don’t care. I like cheesy pop songs. Barbie Girl by Aqua is one of my theme songs. It is just a feel good song that rocks out loud.
Admit it. You like it too!!

When I grow up...I want to be...

Hello my readers!


OMG! I JUST FIGURED OUT WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP!!!

I have been a very, very busy woman living it up here in NYC!! I have been shoving women with children down flights of stairs in order to catch a train, fighting with the local sewer wildlife, taking trips to the Hamptons and generally going insane! This is one of the reasons why I love NYC…it’s a wild ride 24/7! I have been caught up in the go, go, go fever that summarizes NYC. I have talked about being a DJ, pursuing a career in photography and working on launching my own small business as a free lance makeup artist/creative director. All of my interests are tied together by one common thread….the need to make the world pretty. I would love others to view the world as I do…in color, in stereo. Yes, there are areas that are black, some that are white and a lot of gray areas mixed in between. Life is gritty and grimy at times, dark and disgusting. There are also times where the sun is shining brightly and bluebirds are singing in the meadows. I want to capture LIFE. It took me a while to figure this all out and guide all the misdirected thoughts into one direction. My freelance business will be more than just as a makeup artist. I will be an artistic director, if that makes sense to anyone

With this in mind, I want to start right away…which I can not do. I do not have the proper beginning equipment!! I need a damned good camera and have my eye on one. I am drooling over this camera. I am reading up on the specifications, exploring all the features and whistling at bells. I want this camera more than anything.

Photography will go hand in hand with my make up artistry. I need photos to create a portfolio. I don’t trust anyone with my creative visions but me. I can see the picture in my head, all the details. How to create those details, down to the grit of a five a clock shadow run circles in front of me. I can feel the image I want a photo to portray…I can see it!! I can see the feeling.

What brought all of this about? Photography has actually been a long love of mine. As a little girl, I used my father’s camera and took photos of just about everything. (I also wrote and read a LOT. If I wasn’t behind a camera, I was behind a book). I would take photos for special events (dances and graduations, picnics and family gatherings).

I am also going back to school this coming spring. I decided on my major, minor and the school I want. I am completing ALL the paperwork now.

Do I need to get a life? LOL.

In my spare time, I play chess against my computer, write stories and right now? I am teaching myself Algebra all over again. If I am going back to school, I need to bone up on that.....math was never my best subject. I am doing pretty good, if I say so myself!!