I see this subject and debate a lot on many discussion boards tailored to the P4P community….screening.
Some ladies and gents are all for screening, some are against it. I see and understand both sides of this particular argument. Ladies need to feel a certain security when meeting with a potential client. She needs to know the man is not going to come into her bedroom and physically hurt her. Ladies have read or lived the stories of rape, cruelty and want to take measures to prevent such ugly circumstances. These ladies stand firm in their decision to ask for information….real name, a work phone number to verify identity and the gentleman must show a photo id when meeting the lady. I understand these measures as I have been the victim of circumstances that arose due to lack of proper screening. Thankfully, I literally fought my way out of that event, but I was scared for a while afterwards.
On the flip side, being a private person myself, I can understand the argument against screening. Many gentlemen do not want ladies to have access to private information, for fear the lady may use the information to her advantage. (Never a good thing. Look at Tiger Woods and others in the course of history.) People participate in the P4P arena under a cloak of secrecy. They do not want others to know what they are really spending their time and money on. One slip of the tongue and the wife finds out. The home and work life is disrupted and life just goes to hell.
Truly, I do understand both sides of the argument. Loudmouthed women in the mistress business have made it harder for providers to ask for even the most basic information, such as a gentleman’s name. Once again, I do understand the reluctance of the gentlemen. Some ladies may not be willing to bend and reach a compromise and are criticized by others for remaining steadfast in their decisions.
Let me point out something though, to the gentlemen, as I recently had to with a gentleman who wanted to see me but balked at my requests. (He really wanted to see me, so he was gracious enough to ask for an explanation)The harsh truth of the matter is we providers are at the mercy of the gentlemen who see us. Physically, in regards to money, in regards to trust…it is an unfair advantage. The P4P field is lopsided! We ladies do not know who the heck you are. You could be with the dirty L word. You could be a serial killer. You could appear to be charming on the outside and physically abusive when we stand before you naked. These are not imagined fears, as one can read the newspapers to see these horrific stories. These fears live inside of us and surface when we read your email or answer our phone to speak with you. We understand the risks involved with this P4P arena and still continue forward. Requests for basic information are just our way of leveling the playing field. We need to feel, at the very least, a small amount of trust and security when meeting with a gentleman.
Now, some providers ask for everything short of a man’s social security number and blood type. Some may ask for a real name, work phone number, place of work and the like. I am one of them. HOWEVER, once again on the flip side, I do understand the need for privacy! If a gentleman is not willing to divulge that information and has been in the P4P arena for more than a minute, then I fall back on my “second string”. He can use an assumed name and I just ask for provider references. Of course, the provider references must be impeccable. She must have a website, an email address and or phone number and must be a verified provider. I will ask when you met with her, how long have you known her and what information about will you jog her memory of you. This is why I am a member of verification sites such as DateCheck and Preferred411. I also have verified providers as friends and am currently working on meeting more ladies to expand my circle. (Only those I have met face to face are in my circle!) I am one who believes heavily in the “reference system”. I only ask for a real name or whatever when the man is a true newbie to the P4P arena and of course I explain all of this to him. I want him to understand why I ask for what I ask for…and above all, I want him to feel comfortable. The choice to see me is always left up to him. Think about it though…if you are a newbie and submit to my screening, you are allowed to use me as a reference! Being a reference does not mean I share all details of our encounter with another provider. I tell her the information she needs to know…if you are safe or not. If there are special considerations that she needs to know (things pertaining to the overall experience or your health) then I will let her know. I want your experience with her to be enjoyable! On a side note, when I am checking you out by calling your place of work, I have many stories I use. I have been a bill collector, a salesgirl checking up on an order for a client, the aunt who is trying to surprise a nephew…the stories are endless. I come up with some good ones at times. C’mon, am I really going to identify myself as who I really am? Khym Danyels? Please give me some credit.
My take on screening is this. I just need to know you aren’t going to try anything stupid when you and I meet. Personally I do not want to know your real name, where you work and what you do for a living. I don’t particularly care about your life story or how big your house is. Unless you are William Jefferson Clinton or another on my “to do” list, I am going not going to be curious about “who” you are, nor will I really care. Knowledge is a double edged sword. Used correctly it can help a person out. The abuse of knowledge leads to destruction. Quite frankly, the less I know about someone, the better I can cover my ass if things decide to hit the fan. I can honestly say…”I don’t know this person.” The less you know about me the better for you too! Why ruin the fantasy world we create with our real lives and problems? Heck, I have so many stories I sometimes forget what I told to whom. Any screening information I do gather is kept in my head. I never write things down, never keep a paper trail. Heck, phone numbers stored in my work phone are in a code only I know and understand. There are other measure I take to ensure my ass is covered, but I cant tell all my secrets, now can I?
But gentlemen, please don’t knock the ladies who ask for information that establishes your identity whether it be real or assumed. It truly is a safety measure and a way of leveling the playing field. Of course, a gentleman should cover his ass at all times as well. If you feel a lady is asking too much, simply move on to the next. If a lady doesn’t at least ask some questions, I would be a little wary. This is just my personal feeling.
Whenever I explain all of this to someone who is reluctant to share information, they are truly surprised and thankful. Hey, I am just keeping things in perspective, just being myself. Yes, illusion is the name of this game, but at the same time, one needs to take into consideration a few real life things.
Thank you all for reading to my ramblings. Have a great weekend and be safe.
(Damn Bill Clinton is sexy. I don’t have much time left. The man has heart problems….I need to hurry up and ride him. )
